The Picture Frame

A year or so ago I was talking to a friend at work and told him, ‘Something’s wrong with my mom.’ He asked what I meant. I replied, ‘Every time I see her she wants to give me money and that’s NOT my mom. Something’s wrong.’

Six months later I showed up at her house on Christmas morning. She greeted me at the door with a huge grin on her face. I smiled, too, and said, ‘Merry Christmas, Mom. How are you?’ She looked at me, smiling, and said, ‘Were you talking to your dad this morning?’ My jaw dropped. My father has been dead for over 30 years. Something was definitely ‘going wrong.’

I began checking in on her almost daily as she lives a short ten minutes away. Suddenly, a couple months ago she began talking of trouble with her bank. She would ask me to come over to help her. I would show up and she would tell me she talked to someone else and it had been taken care of. At the same time I noticed some days things would stick with her better than others. She would often seem confused when she was tired and getting ready for bed.

A couple weeks ago I got a call from the local Office of the Aging. The woman advised me that a hearing had been scheduled to establish a guardianship for my mom as she was no longer capable of caring for herself. She asked if I was interested in the ‘position.’ I said, ‘Ma’am, it’s my mom. Of course, I am.’ She advised me that sometimes some people want someone else ‘to do it.’ She advised me that she asked my mom if she had any power-of-attorney paperwork and mom told her she did; but she tore them up. I was stunned as I had just held such papers a few weeks earlier; was sorry, then, I hadn’t taken them. I told her that.

Obviously, I had to immediately spring to action to care for my mom. I went over to her house the next morning after consulting with some friends and decided to ‘test’ her. I said, ‘Mom, what happened to those power-of-attorney papers?’ She went right to them and handed them to me. I called the attorney listed on the documents and scheduled a visit with him. He advised me to take the papers to the case worker at the Office of the Aging and I would be okay. I did as I was instructed.

The woman at the agency was very nice. She told me some incredible things. Mom had given $8000 to charity over the past six months. The social worker had paid a home visit to my mom with a doctor. Whatever denial I was clinging to was over; mom is suffering from ‘moderate’ dementia. Mom had gone to the bank one day and wondered where the doctor was as she had an appointment. Someone from the bank had called Office of the Aging. The people at the bank sent her home. It turns out, she never had a doctor’s appointment. Hence, I received the call.

I cried at the meeting as my worst fears were officially-confirmed. I really am losing my mom. Little-by-little she is fading away. Told the social worker I thought she said she tore up the POA paperwork out of some 'suspicion.' That she thought, 'I really don't know you;' easy to say she tore them up. She is such a strong woman; too proud to ask for any help. I sensed but now knew; now how best to help? I digested the news with a focus on not only her personal affairs; but also the need to preserve what is left of her memories and cognition of all that she holds dear to her heart.

I am NOT a shopper. I don’t pay attention to many ‘new’ things; not much to trends or styles, either. I am not one to look for a bargain, either. The only time I ever shop for anything is if I need it and know what I want. I am NOT impulsive that way so it’s usually quick, and one-stop. In my current circumstance I struggled trying to think of what I could buy to give to mom to help her. I remembered something I had seen more-than-once in my work travels and thought it might be cool to give her.

I began shopping for a digital picture frame. The concept is totally cool. A memory card, LCD display. Now that the local Circuit City is closed; where to find one? I first stopped at K-mart and they didn’t have them. I thought about going to the mega-Store Wal-Mart but really don’t like to buy anything there. As I drove aimlessly towards the HUGE local mall I thought about Staples or Office Max. The freeway pattern had me passing Staples first.

I grimaced as I walked in as a friend had a bad experience there and boycotts the chain. He would ‘kill’ me if he knew I bought anything there. I did find several digital frames there. I looked at their features carefully as I had a specific purpose for it in mind. The least expensive that did what I wanted it to was $79.99. Price wasn’t an issue but given the friend’s ‘tarnish’ on them I thought I would look at Office Max, too. The same friend had told me he really didn’t like the local Office max as he felt it ‘dingy;’ but said he would NEVER do business with Staples again.

I didn’t find the Office Max dingy. I did find digital frames there, too. They had unbelievable deals as one of them was marked down to $39.99; another $49.99. I was examining the different features as I was approached by a clerk. She asked if she could help me, told her I was evaluating and then looked at her, pointed to the $39.99 one and said, ‘I’ll take two.’ It was so cool, I wanted one, too.

She talked into her headset; advised me only one left. I looked at her and uttered words I NEVER; EVER thought I would say…
…’Can I have a rain-check?’ She had to ‘call that in,’ too. They were very nice about it as I walked out of the store with one of the frames and a rain-check, too.

I brought it home and set out on my mission. Those people that know me know I love my digital camera. I take and save a lot of pictures. I loaded the card slot with a 2-gig card; it can hold over 800 pictures. It really is totally cool. It can play movies and music, too. It provides many options; including, type-of-fade, intervals, brightness and many more. It even has a REMOTE! It was perfect for what I wanted. I did NOT give her the remote.

I loaded over 200 pictures onto the memory card. I didn’t want to set the ‘intervals’ too low as I didn’t want her to ‘freak-out’ if she looked at it once and then later the image changed. I set the speed at ten seconds so she would ‘get the idea’ that it changes. She loves it! She has commented a few times that she sometimes watches it more than the TV. They are within the same view for her. I was so glad.

I slowed down the intervals yesterday. It now changes once-a-minute. I loaded pictures of me, her, the dogs and cool pictures from my travels. I am sorry to say I am sure as the images change for her it's like the first time she's seen it. So sad. She told me how she wakes up sometimes at night. The TV is off. She sees pictures of me and it helps her fall back to sleep. Mission accomplished, I am so glad it gets her attention.

I am learning more of ‘life’s lessons.' Trying the best I can, anyway. I had a purpose in mind when I bought the picture frame. So glad it instantly got her attention and she LOVES IT!

She knows transition is in-the-works. My heart was broken as she asked, ‘Will I at least be able to stay in the house for awhile?’ I assured her I will be sure she stays in her house as long as possible. I’m hoping when she can’t be home anymore THE PICTURE FRAME provides her comfort and something to cling to. It’s clear from what I am finding she has fought this EVERY STEP of the way. She was too proud to ask for any help; that breaks my heart, too.

I’ve tried to keep this blog somewhat generic.

Tonight I got more personal for my distant friends that read this to check in on me to know what’s going on.

It's the beginning of a new part of my life now.

Hope all’s well with everyone.
Have a good weekend, too.